Memories and Mistakes

"Funny how a melody sounds like a memory, like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night. Springsteen."

 -Eric Church

I have realized as the years go on, we tend to change past memories to what we wished that they were. The bad times don't seem so bad, the good times seem even better. We forget those people who didn't make an impact on us, we downplay feelings, we view ourselves as more positive than we were. But, be honest with yourself just for a moment here. Were you are nice as you thought you were? Did you actually make mistakes, but now think that they were no big deal? I know I did. As humans we do not like viewing our flaws, so we don't. We act as if we didn't impact others on a negative level. As much as I wish I could look back and say I left a positive lasting impression on everyone I met, I know that just isn't the case. I made dumb mistakes, hurt feelings, and never said sorry.

I know today I am in a better place than I was five years (or even one year ago). I know I am nicer, I respect the feelings of others more; but I was not always that way. I was in my early 20s and thought I could do whatever I wanted, say whatever I wanted, and that everyone would still be standing there at the end. I took advantage of the kindness of others, not on purpose, I just didn't realize I was doing it. I thought I could cause a path of destruction, and still put it back together just as I wanted at the end. This is not the case. I know many who stuck it out and are still beside me today. I know I lost others along the way. I know that in life everything happens for a reason, even if the reason does not come out until years later.

For those of you in your early 20s remember you are defining your life, and who are you are. Remember to be kind, respect others, and know that you are impacting someone every day. I know some days you have no idea what you want in any aspect of your life. That is normal, you can be confused, but do not let that confusion turn to hurt for those around you. 

For those of you in your mid/late 20s - think back to your early 20s, you are not the same person you were there. You now are much more wise. You understand the feelings of others. You realize that actions have consequences and that no matter how strong, a drink is it will not solve any problems. Instead of hiding problems, feelings, or creating addition problems; just say sorry and focus on making yourself the best person that you can. No matter how hard you try, you cannot change those around you, you cannot change the past, you can only change yourself and create a better future.

For all the mistakes that have been made, for all the immature and rash decisions that I never admitted to, and for being an idiot when I knew better. I am sorry. For all the feelings I have hurt, and people I have taken for granted, you deserve an honest and true apology. I am sorry. For where it has gotten me to today, I am thankful.